My Stepson Wants to Bring His Girlfriend on Our Spain Trip—But My Husband Said…

Blended families can face challenges when it comes to ensuring every child is treated equally. Madison’s family experienced this firsthand when her husband suggested that her daughter stay behind from a family trip so his son’s girlfriend could attend. The aftermath left Madison seeking advice on how to repair the damage. Here is Madison’s letter:

“My 16-year-old stepson wants to bring his new girlfriend on our family trip to Spain. My husband agreed but said we could only afford four tickets, meaning my 18-year-old daughter would have to stay behind. I was livid and told him he was choosing a stranger over my daughter, whom he’s helped raise since she was seven. He fired back, ‘That stranger is my son’s guest. And you seem to forget that your daughter’s father has never paid for her trips, leaving it all to us. Maybe it’s time for him to take responsibility.’ I felt cornered. We ended up going without my daughter because I knew her biological father couldn’t pay for the trip. When we returned, I was devastated to find that my daughter had packed her things and moved in with her dad. She holds me responsible for not standing up for her, and I’m heartbroken. I never imagined my husband’s decisions would tear us apart. What can I do?”

Madison, thank you for sharing your story. Here are four suggestions that might help:

Consider family counseling.
This situation is emotionally charged, and professional family counseling could provide the support needed to mend these wounds. A neutral mediator can help you, your daughter, and your husband communicate openly, fostering understanding and providing tools to navigate complex emotions. Counseling could also help identify underlying tensions and prevent future conflicts from escalating.

Apologize and rebuild trust with your daughter.
It’s crucial to offer a sincere apology to your daughter for not standing up for her. Acknowledge her feelings without making excuses, and explain the situation from your perspective, while emphasizing that her pain is valid. Show her you are committed to earning back her trust by involving her in decisions and spending meaningful time together, demonstrating that she matters to you.

Establish boundaries with your husband.
Have an honest conversation with your husband about how his choices have affected your family. It’s important to set boundaries regarding future decisions that impact both children, ensuring fairness and respect for all. Discuss how you can work together to avoid similar situations, making sure your daughter and stepson both feel valued and respected.

Encourage your daughter to express herself.
Support your daughter in expressing her emotions, whether through talking, journaling, or art. Encourage her to share her feelings, perhaps by writing a letter to you and her stepfather. This will give her a safe outlet for her hurt and help you gain a deeper understanding of her perspective, which could pave the way for healing your relationship.

In another scenario, Carla, a stepmom, found herself feeling overwhelmed after being asked to babysit her three stepchildren alone for the entire day. Frustrated, she reached out to her husband’s ex-wife for compensation for her time.