My Son Put His Mother-in-Law First — And It Broke My Heart

My Son Chose to Support His Mother-in-Law Over Me — What Should I Do?

It can be incredibly distressing for a mother to feel estranged from her child, especially when financial support becomes an issue. Roberta finds herself in a sensitive situation where her son has redirected his financial assistance towards his mother-in-law. She believes she deserves her son’s support more and has reached out to us seeking guidance. Here is Roberta’s letter:

Roberta’s Story:

I’m a widow and no longer in shape to work. Each month, my son gives me a sum from his own earnings to help with my rent. Yesterday, my daughter-in-law called saying that he won’t be able to help anymore. Devastated, I asked why, and she declared, “My mom has been in bad shape lately, and we need that money to send her to a health spa and also have her do some physiotherapy sessions.” She added, “I think it’s time for my mom to benefit from us too. She needs this money more than you do now. After all, my husband’s money is also my money.”

Hearing those words, I was furious. My daughter-in-law is a stay-at-home mom who has never worked. This money is my son’s earnings, and I feel more entitled to it than her mother. I do not care if her mom needs to improve her health and get in better shape. What should I do?

Sincerely, Roberta

Thank you for sharing your story with us, Roberta! Here are some tips that we hope can be helpful:

Open Communication:
Initiate a calm and respectful conversation with your son and daughter-in-law. Express your feelings of shock and disappointment upon hearing the news about the financial support being redirected to her mother’s health spa. Share the significance of this support for your livelihood and well-being. Emphasize the importance of clear communication and finding a solution that considers everyone’s needs and limitations.

Seek Mediation:
Consider involving a neutral third party, such as a counselor or mediator, to facilitate a constructive dialogue between you, your son, and your daughter-in-law. A mediator can help navigate the emotions involved and guide the discussion towards a fair resolution. This approach can prevent misunderstandings and promote understanding of each other’s perspectives, ultimately fostering harmony within the family.

Explore Alternative Support:
Investigate alternative sources of financial assistance or resources available to you. This could include government benefits, community programs, or support groups for widows. By diversifying your sources of support, you can reduce dependence on your son’s earnings and maintain a sense of autonomy over your financial situation.

Legal Consultation:
If the situation remains unresolved, and you feel your rights are being disregarded, seek advice from a legal professional specializing in family law or elder rights. They can assess your situation, provide guidance on your legal rights regarding financial support from your son, and explore potential avenues for recourse or negotiation. Taking proactive steps to protect your interests can offer peace of mind and ensure that your needs are adequately addressed.

Conclusion: Roberta, like many mothers, finds herself in a challenging position due to her daughter-in-law’s actions. Open communication, mediation, and exploring other financial support options are key steps to navigating this complex family dynamic. Seeking legal advice can also help protect her rights and ensure her needs are met.