Uncharted Territory: Embracing the Journey of Unexpected Parenthood

Receiving the news of an unexpected pregnancy can stir a whirlwind of emotions, particularly for those who never imagined themselves as parents.

This was the reality for one man, who was faced with a flood of uncertainty and doubt when his wife unexpectedly became pregnant, challenging his newly assumed role as a father.

The man, known on Reddit as 0dadbab0, took to the ‘Relationship Advice’ thread to share his experience. He revealed the challenges of navigating fatherhood when it was never part of his life plan. At 48 years old, he explained that he and his 40-year-old wife had been “vehemently child-free” and had been married for 18 years before discovering they were expecting a child.

“I could not fault her,” the man wrote. “I love her dearly. She knows what she is and isn’t capable of, and she wasn’t capable of abortion.”

0dadbab0 admitted that he had never planned on becoming a father and has struggled to form a bond with his one-year-old son.

He wrote that while his wife is embracing motherhood with love, he has found it more challenging.

“I was planning to retire in a few years. We were going to travel, as we haven’t done much of it. I’ve always been fairly busy and was ready to be done. I’ve worked hard to put us in a position where this was possible,” he explained.

“That’s not really the issue, though. The issue is this persistent sense of resentment,” he continued. “When I look at my son, I don’t feel love—just an overwhelming sense of responsibility.”

He admitted to feeling guilty about these emotions and added:

“I’m afraid of failing him and creating some sort of monster. I’m afraid I’ll never be enough. I’m afraid I’ll never feel content in my own home again. If I were a lesser man, I’d run. I’d never leave them without means to care for themselves, but I’d run.”

In the comments, many people showed understanding.

“Is male postpartum depression a thing? If you were female, this would sound like exactly that. Babies are tough, and the challenging phase doesn’t last forever. It’s especially hard when you’re feeling like you are,” one commenter said. “It does get easier with time, but you might need to seek professional help for how you’re feeling.”

Another commenter advised, “You need to see a therapist, not just Reddit. You’re experiencing grief—grieving your lost freedom and plans. While there’s potential for things to improve, you need to talk to a therapist to work through these feelings.”

“I also think this sounds like postpartum,” a third user commented. “Feeling out of control with the pregnancy and birth could be a significant factor. [Original Poster], you’re not alone, and I encourage you to reach out for help. Good people ask for help, and it’s okay.”

Eventually, the man returned with an update on his situation. He shared that he had spent more time with his son and even requested a day alone with him from his wife.

“Honestly, the day was rough. We both had a tough time. He wanted mom, and so did I. But there was a moment when I sang ‘I like to eat, eat, eat, apples and bananas’ to him, and he laughed so hard,” he wrote. “I’ve never seen him laugh like that before. It wasn’t a miracle, but it did spark a small feeling inside me—a desire to do that again.”

He also mentioned that he had been seeing a therapist, stating:

“There are unpleasant feelings I have when I look at my son. What I’ve failed to recognize is that he represents pure innocence. I need to separate my own fears and negativity from him. He’s not the cause of my feelings; he’s a trigger, and I need to address that.”

Overall, it seems this father is making progress in his journey toward becoming a better parent. At the end of the day, no one is perfect, and all we can do is our best.