Turning to Dad: The Day I Told My Step-Daughter the Truth

A stepdad took to Reddit to share a difficult situation and sought advice from the online community. When he told his stepdaughter to ask her biological father for money, it ignited a complex emotional landscape within their blended family. Feeling the financial strain, the stepdad believed it was a practical solution, but the request touched on sensitive issues of loyalty, responsibility, and identity for the stepdaughter.

The dad explained his reasoning:

“I married my wife, Elise, 12 years ago. She has a 16-year-old daughter, Ana, from a previous relationship, and we have a 7-year-old son together.

From the beginning of our relationship, Ana and I have never gotten along. I don’t know how to emphasize that it is NOT because of a lack of trying. She just does not like me. When she was young, she was scared of me and ‘afraid I’d tear their family apart.’ Nowadays, it’s more of a neutral dislike rather than strong antipathy, so I suppose that’s progress.”

Elise is a stay-at-home mom, so I’m the sole provider for the family. This means I cover all of Ana’s expenses—food, clothes, volleyball fees, field trips. I take an active interest in her hobbies, attend her games, and do my best to be a supportive stepfather.

But it’s so challenging. Ana often responds with curt, one-word answers, and she seems to deliberately act out. Despite my efforts to show her love and support, her teenage phase feels never-ending.

In stark contrast, Ana adores her biological father. Despite his frequent excuses for not attending her games or remembering her birthday—she was devastated when he forgot last month—she continues to look up to him.

Last Friday, I went into her room to check her phone after she’d been caught sneaking out twice recently. When I asked for the phone, she refused and said, “I’m tired of you checking my stuff, leave me alone.” I insisted, and she snapped, “You’re not my real dad. You never have been. Stop acting like you can tell me what to do,” before slamming the door.

I’m at my breaking point, feeling exhausted from the constant disrespect and being the target of her frustrations, all while providing more for her than anyone else in her family.

We hadn’t spoken since that incident until this morning at breakfast. Ana asked if I could cover her plane tickets so she could visit her boyfriend across the state. Given that Elise doesn’t work, I normally would be the one to cover such expenses. But this time, I responded, “Go ask your real dad.” I could see the hurt in her eyes as tears welled up, and she quickly left the table.

Later, my wife took me aside and said my comment was extremely disrespectful. I countered that if anyone’s being disrespectful, it’s Ana treating me like a doormat and a credit card, and I won’t tolerate it any longer. I told Elise that while I’m willing to support Ana, she needs to be at least cordial and respect my role as an authority figure in the house. If she can’t, she can find someone else to cover her non-essentials.