The Lie Served With Eggs and Bologna

It was a regular Saturday morning when my ex, Alex, showed up at my door. This wasn’t all that surprising, except for the fact that I had kicked him out two months ago after he’d turned my life into a messy reality show. I didn’t even hear him knock—he just appeared, looking sheepish and holding a plastic grocery bag. Without saying much, he shoved it into my hands. “Here,” he mumbled. “I got you some stuff.”

I stared at the bag, expecting something more thoughtful—maybe some milk, or even a bottle of wine to make up for his past mistakes. But no, inside were just a dozen eggs and half a pound of bologna. I blinked in confusion. “Eggs? And… bologna?” I asked. He nodded seriously. “Yeah, top-notch stuff. Thought you could use it.” I was too stunned to respond, so I just nodded and muttered, “Thanks, I guess.”

As he walked away, I stood there, holding the bag, feeling like I had just received some weird, unsolicited food delivery. I didn’t want to deal with any awkwardness, so I decided to just let it go. But I couldn’t help wondering what had gone through his mind when he showed up with such a bizarre gift.

Later, I ran into our friend Josh at the park. He was grinning, clearly excited about something. “Hey! Guess what?” he said. “I saw Alex today. He was bragging about how he stocked your fridge!”

I stared at him, baffled. “What? My fridge has a dozen eggs and half a pound of bologna, that’s it!” Josh burst into laughter, nearly falling over. “He was acting like he just bought you a year’s worth of caviar and champagne!” I couldn’t help but laugh too, picturing Alex’s excitement over his “generous” gesture. I joked, “I think he thinks I’m planning a bologna-and-egg dinner party or something.” And just like that, Alex had somehow turned a simple grocery run into a grand, self-declared gesture.

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