Angry Wife Writes Epic Letter To Cheating Husband’s Mistress. Oh My! This is Hilarious!

Dear Carla,

I want to express my appreciation for the unexpected discovery of those peculiar bite marks on my husband’s chest. Your thoughtful gesture has, in a way, freed me and my children from a situation we no longer wish to endure.

In recognition of your impact on our family dynamics, I am pleased to present my husband to you as a permanent gift. Should you decide to claim your well-deserved prize, please familiarize yourself with the following stipulations:

1. Financial Responsibility: You will assume the financial responsibilities associated with him, including child support for our two children and alimony for me, considering my dedicated commitment to raising our children over the past decade. His financial assets are, without exception, mine.

2. Clothing Obligation: An unusual incident recently occurred – as he emerged from the shower, those endearing “love bites” triggered an inexplicable phenomenon. A massive black hole materialized in our bedroom, consuming all his attire. Feel free to dress him as you see fit – whether in leather pants, on a leash, or with any accessories of your choosing.

3. Scheduled Goodbyes: Following a routine of every other weekend for supervised visits with his children is a requirement you must adhere to.

4. Intimate Restrictions: Unfortunately, his intimate capabilities have been impaired since a back injury five years ago. A little blue pill is required for his attempts at arousal, resulting in a mere two to three minutes at best. Often, he abstains from trying altogether. Prepare yourself accordingly with an ample supply of batteries, as nerve damage precludes a remedy.

5. Permanent Separation: Understand that he will not be readmitted into my life or our home. The splendid life he once enjoyed was recklessly discarded in favor of your company. While you may strive to surpass our history, I have reservations about your ability to do so.

6. Acknowledging Blame: Expect him to attribute blame squarely on your shoulders. During a tearful plea for my forgiveness, he confessed to your audacious remark: “I hope your wife sees my bites.” Your desire has materialized, and his anger is now vehemently directed at you.

Lastly, consider this more as friendly advice than a rule: I am determined to occupy his time with trivial matters to vex both him and you. I intend to cause a degree of discomfort for both of you commensurate with the anguish my children currently endure. While he may outwardly comply with my demands for the sake of our children, be prepared for him to constantly lament these inconveniences to you.

In acknowledgment of your role, Carla, you have demonstrated that 13 years and two children pale in comparison to your allure and those charming bite marks. I concede defeat and extend my applause for a victory well earned – HE’S ALL YOURS!

It’s an unusual letter, and different people may have varied opinions about the tone and approach taken. Some might find it humorous, while others may see it as a creative way of expressing frustration. However, effective communication is often more straightforward and focused on resolving issues rather than emphasizing revenge or causing discomfort.