“My Husband Thinks I’m Spoiling Our 2-Month-Old Baby: Seeking Balance in Parenting”

New parents often face nervousness and overwhelm during the first few months with a newborn. While some instincts come naturally and others are informed by advice, things can become complicated when unsolicited opinions start to surface. Recently, a mother turned to Reddit for help after her husband accused her of spoiling their 2-month-old baby.

In her post, she shared the following:

“We have a 2-month-old son who has been quite colicky. He cries a lot, and I believe it’s because he’s uncomfortable and has tummy troubles. When he cries, I instinctively pick him up and hold him upright, as it seems to soothe him. I also cherish our evening cuddles in the rocking chair, which my husband believes might be why he cries – because I hold him too much.”

“My husband thinks our baby needs to ‘cry it out’ to learn to fall asleep. His mother advised him, ‘You never really cried, but when you did, I just let you cry it out.’ My husband argues that ‘crying won’t hurt him,’ but I disagree. I’m struggling to find the right words to explain why I think this approach is outdated. I’ve tried saying, ‘You can’t spoil a baby by holding them too much,’ but he’s not convinced. How can I explain to him that the ‘cry it out’ method isn’t suitable for such a young baby and that babies can’t be spoiled?”

Many Redditors shared their thoughts and experiences in response:

• “From what I’ve learned, you can train a behavior, but not an emotional response. While animals might appear to manipulate for rewards, reassuring them doesn’t reinforce their anxiety. The same goes for babies. Ignoring a baby’s cries teaches them that their needs won’t be met, which is counterproductive. Physical touch and comfort are vital for infants’ development.”
• “Adults like to be comforted when they’re upset, too. Picking up and soothing a crying baby lowers their stress hormone levels, strengthens your bond, and shows them you care. If you ignore their cries, they might stop crying because they’ve learned their needs won’t be met, not because they’ve been comforted.”
• “It’s a common misconception that you can spoil a baby. Babies are still learning about their world and rely on their caregivers for comfort and security. Meeting their needs helps them build trust and confidence. You can’t spoil a baby, and responding to their cries helps them feel secure and loved.”
• “In my experience, holding our baby a lot in the first few months didn’t lead to separation anxiety or spoiled behavior. She now sleeps calmly and trusts that we’ll meet her needs. Meeting a baby’s needs early on can contribute to their well-being as they grow.”
• “Ignore outdated advice. Reputable sources suggest that ‘cry it out’ methods are not recommended for babies under six months. It might be helpful to bring your husband to a pediatrician for a professional perspective.”
• “It’s important to stand your ground if you believe in your approach to parenting. Express that you’re the primary caregiver and make decisions based on what feels right for you and your baby, regardless of others’ opinions.”
• “Ignoring a baby’s cries can have negative effects on their development. It’s crucial to respond to their needs to foster a trusting relationship. Your well-being is also important, and hearing your baby cry can be stressful.”

As new parents navigate the challenges of raising an infant, understanding and compassion are essential. For those seeking more insights on how to connect with and understand their newborn, expert recommendations are available to help make this journey a bit smoother.